When it comes to relationships, there is a give and take that must happen in order for both parties to be happy. In order for a man to be fulfilled in a relationship, his needs must be met. And in order for a woman to be fulfilled, her needs must also be met. This is where the book His Needs Her Needs comes in. Written by Dr. James Dobson, this book dives into what both men and women need from their significant other in order to have a successful relationship.
Here is some specifics to help you establish the amount of time it requires to finish the his needs her needs.
Question | Answer |
---|---|
Form Name | His Needs Her Needs |
Form Length | 12 pages |
Fillable? | No |
Fillable fields | 0 |
Avg. time to fill out | 3 min |
Other names | his needs her needs questionnaire, his needs her needs quiz, his needs her needs questionnaire pdf, his needs and her needs pdf |
PARTICIPANT’S GUIDE
BUILDING AN AFFAIR - PROOF MARRIAGE
( A
Willard F. Harley, Jr.
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
© 2013 by Baker Publishing Group
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI
Printed in the United States of America
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
Library of Congress
ISBN
The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Contents
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Welcome to a |
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How This Works |
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The Love Bank |
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Affection and Sexual Fulfillment 17 |
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Intimate Conversation 23 |
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Recreational Companionship 29 |
5Family Commitment and Physical Attractiveness 35
6 Honesty and Admiration 41
The
Emotional Needs Questionnaire 49
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Welcome to a
What must a couple do to stay happily married?
Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., poses that question in the preface to his bestselling book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an
Marriage in the real world is a lot of things, but truthfully, we all know it isn’t always happy. In fact, over half of marriages end in divorce and another
Most of us have very little, if any, training on how to make mar- riage work. Despite the fact that marriage is the deepest relational commitment we make in life, it often feels like we’re just winging
You and your spouse can do what it takes to be in love with each other for the rest of your lives. The key is to rekindle romantic love for one another, and the key to that is learning to identify and meet each other’s most important emotional needs. In this series, Dr. Harley will give you a program that will help you create and sustain romantic love.
Dr. Harley is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, marriage counselor, and author. His signature book His Needs, Her Needs
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Welcome to a
has been called the best book on marriage ever! More than three million copies of His Needs, Her Needs have been sold, and there is no telling how many marriages have been revived, restored, or enhanced because of the principles Dr. Harley shares in this classic book. On their daily radio
Do you want a marriage like that? Or have you given up hope that a romantic and passionate relationship is even possible anymore? Well, Bill and Joyce Harley will not give up on you.
His Needs, Her Needs identifies the ten most vital emotional needs for men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. In this series based on His Needs, Her Needs, you’ll learn to love each other more cre- atively and more sensitively, and you’ll see that it’s possible to virtually eliminate the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs and divorce. As you watch these videos and work through the sessions together, you’ll be given the amazing opportunity to improve the present condition of your
As the director of this video series, I can tell you that since meeting Bill and Joyce Harley and working on these principles, my
John Grooters
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
How This
Works
The Group Experience
Step 1: Watch the videos and learn from Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce.
These videos were produced in a style that simulates how the Harleys would teach if they could personally lead your small group. By filming with three
Step 2: Engage in small group discussion.
LEARN
ENGAGE
The Personal Experience
Step 3: Work on this individually.
Do your homework. Each of you should have your own partici- pant’s guide, and you’ll find that some questions are specifically designed for you as individuals. Take the time to answer those questions. It would also be helpful to have your own copy of His Needs, Her Needs.
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REFLECT
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
GROUND RULES
Atmosphere of Respect
Please remember to always be respectful of your spouse. Nobody should hear you fight! Also, remem- ber that no marriage is perfect. You are not trying to outshine or compete with the other couples in the room. We are here to encourage and support one another, to build up marriages that are blessed by God.
Spousal Privilege
In a courtroom, the private conversations between a husband and wife are not permitted to be aired publicly or entered as evidence. If it’s not appro- priate in the courtroom, it’s not appropriate in the classroom. Group time is not the time for you to air the dirty laundry of your marriage, and particularly not the time to criticize or condemn your spouse.
Confidentiality
What happens in the group stays in the group. By treating one another with respect and confidential- ity, you will create a true sense of community and an honest bond between couples. Anything shared outside the group becomes gossip. Don’t go there.
Professional Supervision
A note on professional supervision or counseling: if you find yourself or your spouse emotionally upset throughout this process, or if you find yourself reluc- tant to provide honest reactions, please seek profes- sional supervision. Your pastor, for example, should be able to guide you to a qualified professional.
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
How This Works
There are three questionnaires that will be helpful as you work through these sessions. You’ll find the first one on page 49, and the other two are available as free downloads at Dr. Harley’s Marriage Builders website (www.marriagebuilders.com). Take the time to fill out these questionnaires during the appropriate weeks.
The Together Experience
Step 4: Work on this together.
Schedule a date night later in the week when you discuss your homework with one another. For each of the next six weeks (at least), designate a date night when the two of you will share your answers or surveys and talk through the questions in the “To Consider Together” section.
These may well be the most focused and informative conversa- tions you’ve had with one another since your first date!
What goes on for the rest of your date night is up to you. If you have kids, they are not invited. Get a babysitter.
Good
Dr. Harley says that he doesn’t believe in “insight therapy” as an effective way to resolve marital
If a doctor prescribes an antibiotic and you agree that it would kill an infection you have but never actually take the medicine, you will never experience its benefits. It is easy to just listen and agree with sound advice. It’s a whole different thing to put it into practice.
Decide to practice this teaching, not just learn it. It’s well worth the effort!
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RELATE
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Session
The Love Bank |
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The purpose of this series is to teach you how to discover and meet each other’s most important emotional needs. When you were first married, you most likely assumed that your new life partner would automatically meet certain emotional needs. For a variety of reasons, it’s possible that you have become disappointed— perhaps disappointed enough to be tempted to let someone else meet your needs. Husbands’ and wives’ needs are so strong that when they’re not met in marriage, we are tempted to go outside of marriage to satisfy them.
Aside from the risk of an affair, though, there are two other important reasons the most important emotional needs of a hus- band and wife should be met by each other. First, marriage is a very special relationship. Promises are made to allow a spouse the exclusive right to meet some of these important needs. Spouses with unmet needs are left to go through life without ethical alter- natives for fulfilling those needs.
But there is a second reason: when you meet each other’s most important emotional needs, you create and sustain a feeling of love for each other that is essential in a successful marriage. That feeling is called romantic love. Dr. Harley explains how to achieve that kind of love in this session.
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
LEARN & ENGAGE
His Needs, Her Needs
Watch the Session 1 video (19:00).
Group Discussion Questions
1.What do you think of the concept of a Love Bank? How would you describe it?
2.How do the people in your life make deposits or withdrawals in your emotional
3.Share with the group how you first met your spouse, and recall the way Love Bank deposits were made in the early days of your relationship.
4.Share some other times in your marriage when your spouse made some significant deposits in your Love Bank.
5.What could your spouse do to make you happiest?
6.Dr. Harley says there is one person that God wants you to care for more than any other. What do you think of this?
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
The Love Bank
7.Read Philippians
8.What did you find most helpful in this week’s video session? Most challenging?
For Him and
This week, take some time to complete the Emotional Needs Questionnaire found on page 49. This questionnaire is designed to help you determine your most important emotional needs and evaluate your spouse’s effectiveness in meeting those needs.
Note: you can also find a copy of the Emotional Needs Ques- tionnaire available for download free of charge in the “Question- naires” section of the Marriage Builders website (www.marriage builders.com).
To Consider Together
1.Review your Emotional Needs Questionnaires with one another.
2.How do each of you make key deposits in your Love Bank?
3.How do each of you make withdrawals from your Love Bank?
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REFLECT
RELATE
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
His Needs, Her Needs
4.How did each of you prioritize your top ten list? Explain why you made the choices you did.
For more insight into the Love Bank
and the importance of meeting each other’s
emotional needs, see chapter 2 in
Dr. Harley’s book His Needs, Her Needs.
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
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Session |
Affection and |
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Sexual Fulfillment |
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The thing she needs the most is affection. While this may not be true for every woman, Dr. Harley has found it to be the number one emotional need for most women. Would it surprise you to learn that this isn’t true for most men?
The only known aphrodisiac is testosterone, and generally men have more of it in their bloodstream than women. So, for men, sexual fulfillment is nearly always at the top of their list of emotional needs.
Learning to meet one another’s needs starts with an open and honest discussion of these biological and spiritual realities.
Watch the Session 2 video (23:16).
Group Discussion Questions
1.Dr. Harley says that for most women, affection is as critical an emotional need for them as sexual fulfillment is for men. What did you think when you heard that statement?
2.Dr. Harley suggests that a wife should make a list of affec- tionate acts that she would consider to be impressive, things
LEARN & ENGAGE
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
His Needs, Her Needs
that would make Love Bank deposits. Women: what might
you put on that list? (Men: how are you doing in relation to the things your wife is listing?)
3.In His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley encourages men to start practicing the affectionate behaviors their wives list until they become habits. How do you think such practice might help a man become more creative in the future?
4.Dr. Harley says, “True affection is nonsexual.” What do you think about that? Is it realistic for men to show true affection with no ulterior motives? Why or why not?
5.Dr. Harley asked the question, “Why have sex?” How would you answer that question?
6.What did you think of the suggestion that sex should be scheduled because it has a hard time being spontaneous in marriage?
7.What did you think of Joyce’s observation that there’s often a lack of respect in our culture for the differences between men and women?
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Affection and Sexual Fulfillment
8.What did you find most challenging about this week’s les- son? Most encouraging?
Questions for Him
1.On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “very affectionate,” how affectionate are you toward your wife? How do you think she would rate you?
2.In what specific ways do you show your wife affection? Would you be willing to have her coach you in how to show her
more affection in the ways she really likes?
3.Do the primary differences in sexuality between the average man and woman apply to you and your wife?
4.Do you feel entitled to have sex with your wife because you have made a commitment to have an exclusive sexual
relationship with her? Has that feeling ever kept you from doing what it takes to motivate her to make love more often (i.e., to be more affectionate and make the experience more enjoyable for her)?
5.According to Dr. Harley, a woman is aroused by her hus- band’s affection, attentiveness, warmth, kindness, and ten- der sensitivity. Do you consistently try to develop and express
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REFLECT
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
REFLECT
His Needs, Her Needs
these qualities? What do you think your wife would say in answer to this question?
Questions for Her
1.Is affection as important to you as Dr. Harley suggests it might be? Explain.
2.What are ways that you feel most cared for by your husband? If you’re not getting enough affection from your husband, are you willing to patiently coach him?
3.Do the primary differences in sexuality between the av- erage man and woman apply to you and your husband?
4.What could your husband do to make you feel more emotionally bonded? To make you feel that he truly cares about you? If your husband did these things, would you find it easier to make love with him?
5.On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “very satisfactory,” how would you rate your sexual satisfaction with your husband? How do you think he would rate you?
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Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.
Affection and Sexual Fulfillment
To Consider Together
1.Do you need to show more affection to each other? What is stopping you from being more affectionate right now?
2. Make a list of “Affectionate Habits to Create” and a list of “Affectionate Habits to Avoid.” Practice being affectionate until it become spontaneous and almost effortless to you.
3.Dr. Harley warns men to avoid any sexual experiences that do not involve their
4.Dr. Harley says that your sexual relationship is something that deserves to be scheduled on your calendar. What do you think of this suggestion?
For more insight into meeting each other’s needs for affection and sexual fulfillment,
see chapters 3 and 4 in His Needs, Her Needs.
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RELATE
Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2012. Used by permission.